Tag: grief

Quittance

Posted on by Allyson

This song was written about two years ago when I had to terminate with my long time therapist. I grieved. The video is almost as old and I hadn’t wanted to share until now.

Lyrics:

The only one willing to reach.
To speak when I could not breathe.
Through the past, through the pain.
Through nevers and need.
The only one willing to reach for me.

I’m sorry I lingered so long.
Between on the mend and something else wrong.
It’s under my skin. This unwelcome end.
Sick with shame to return where I’ve been.

But oh so still for the moment.
To say and not believe I’m well.
This sore bones, nightmare flavored rest.
This beaten silly kind of blessed,

Is under my skin, urging violence.
My own turn. Can’t I let go?
For as far as I’ve come – for however healed –
Alive as I am is not home.
Can’t I let go?

Another loss. I blame myself.
Grieving the loss. Hating what’s left.
No one stays is all we know.
My own turn. I’m letting go.
I’m letting go. I’m letting go.
All I know. Alive as I am is not home.
My own turn. I let go.
I let go. I let go.

A Death.

Posted on by Allyson

My father has died. I found out the night of my last post. I’m on bereavement leave right now, not looking forward to going back to work of any kind. Some family has reached out. With others, we’re out of sight-out of mind. No matter who is there though, this feels very lonely. I want closeness with those of us left, but our relationships are complicated. It doesn’t matter, but still does.

The Loss of You

Posted on by Allyson

The Loss of You – Last vocal track from the new album. This video I held onto for nearly 3yrs. The fear of losing and constant grief we carry wears you out. But the word “temporary” has been in mind a lot these days. Helps lessen the weight of my heavy sighs and exhaustion. I don’t have to be strong forever.

Lyrics :

Early on I felt the hours.
I knew what they would do.
Trade these years that separate.
All mine for yours – for you.

A this for that revealing my power to choose
Death over enduring what I fear to lose.

Can’t you stay? I beg.
What prayer would it take? I beg.
I want nothing more than you
Held in my strength again.
But I break, in quiet grief. Sick with unease.
There’s no convincing my way through
Enduring the loss of you.

Another night in heavy gloom.
Is there nothing more I can do?
Another night of heart felt doom.
Is there nothing I can do?
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.