Tag: hope

Void Of All Hope

Posted on by Allyson

If you’ve been in this space before, you get it. “The heaven you thought up is wasted. The purpose is suffer and die.” I recorded this October of last year. Not as hopeless presently, but it comes and goes and I never forget.

Lyrics:

Silver needle to the eyes.
See it better when you’re blind.
This life like a penny at the bottom of a drawer.
Forgettable worth of which we don’t need more.

Just the idea of heartbeat –
Another living thing that breathes.
And what it needs goes far beyond
what good pretends to be.

And I promise you no one will make it.
I promise you no one is right.
The heaven you thought up is wasted.
The purpose is suffer and die.

What taught you to smother your light?
To protect the lies at your ear?
How to injure to quiet these cries?
Survival of nothing but fear.

And however else could you stay?
However else are you here?
This sorry excuse will call itself brave
with the void of all hope ever near.

And I promise you no one will make it.
I promise you no one is right.
The heaven you thought up is wasted.
The purpose…

I promise you no one will make it.
I promise you no one is right.
The heaven you thought up is wasted.
The purpose is suffer and die.
The purpose is suffer and die.

New Album – This Want for Better – Piano / Voice / Acoustic Guitar

Posted on by Allyson
Free download at link. Not as lyrically heavy as the last one, or as the next will be, but I had to fit this image. The album art is one of the last real paintings I took time with and it leaves me a little more hopeful I can start painting again one day the way I most loved to when I look at it. That freedom I really miss.

Holding on.

Posted on by Allyson

My heart has been heavy lately. I don’t know what I’m doing here or what is in store, or why it brings so much dread to consider these questions (should be no wonder when looking at the world we live in), but I still hope for clarity and strength within to endure whatever is finally revealed for me to act upon. And it is time for action now.

This picture is the cover of a card I made for my mother some weeks back, just because I love making people cards and I love her especially.

Eye of the Storm?…lol

Posted on by Allyson

Freehand painting on a scrap piece of brown paper bag one Sunday. I miss painting eyes and weird abstract stuff and this little piece brought some life back in me to return to what I love. I feel swamped with the amount of music I have to mix between working full time and finding spare moments to paint creatively is impossible right now. Then I ask myself what the point in bothering with any of this is anymore. I’m nobody and will always be nobody. Facts. Despite this though, it would feel like a crime to not follow through on these ideas I’ve already spent so much time on. If I still believe it’s worth those moments of attention and stress to see them through, then I have to keep going. I’m structuring a plan to tackle the mixing and final edits with the time I have and will even take off a few days to make sure it’s done right if I run into problems. And I’m excited to be able to share it all too still. Yes, there are still things to look forward to.

Good things…sure.

Posted on by Allyson

My mother has a small poster with this saying on it. I made my own version, painted the background, inserted the text. It’s no good when the weight of all the things I hate having to do begin to smother out the few things I love. When the money is not good enough and recognition is weak and people are jerks because they’re better at nothing else and you put up with a few too many things you just shouldn’t have to put up with…I have to spend a decent amount of time talking myself down. It’s a real shame. Life is already short enough for us humans. It shouldn’t be this hard for one to stay.

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