See What Goes Wrong

This painting is small, 6in x 4in I think. Not sure I even have it anymore, but I think I understand what I was trying to say now when it was made. It is painful watching efforts come to nothing again and again. Things go wrong, then keep going wrong whether one can handle it or not. I hate it here most of the time, for real.

Every Single Moment Hurt – Original song

Recorded back in September.

Lyrics:

Haunted by the first. Give more blood than it’s worth.
A worried heartbeat set to burst,
And every single moment hurts.

Have mercy! Take the rest away.
Tomorrow need not know the shame.
How my days live for the night.
The ice to a carving knife.
And there’s no safer place.
This world I can’t take.

I know happier life died at my birth.
It’s this unspoken pain I serve.
All along, gathering nerve to breathe the flames.
You watch me burn.

As settled ashes, I’ll return.
The never here at all I’ve earned.
The unspoken pain I serve.
How every single moment hurt.

Every single moment hurt.
The never here at all…never here at all I’ve earned.

No One Escapes

“Her killing rage no one escapes.” I’ve got a little story in my head about this piece. I image this character towering over the world, breathing out flames to engulf all of human creation. On good days, there is a clearing for new life to begin again. On other days, our world goes dark and stays quiet that way until the universe ends. The painting is an expression of rage I feel better for and understand myself better through the work of it. I also really enjoyed another moment to use my neon pink…lol   

Trying to recover

My mother painted the black and red brushstrokes of this heart and I added the other elements, made a card. It reminds me of bandaged flesh, something on the mend. I’m trying to recover now from the past 2 months, but I’m struggling and unsolicited hope / optimism is making it worse. Upsetting because it doesn’t work on me anymore.

My Place Here – Piano / voice. Self-worth…Birthdays…

Yesterday, Oct 25th was my 32nd birthday. I recorded this vid last year around my 31st and just held onto it. The song will be in a collection one day but in the meantime, I listen to it as a reminder ever so often that I have felt good about my life before and do have reasons to stay. Even when it all seems extremely insignificant, it’s still true right? Still true.