My mother painted the black and red brushstrokes of this heart and I added the other elements, made a card. It reminds me of bandaged flesh, something on the mend. I’m trying to recover now from the past 2 months, but I’m struggling and unsolicited hope / optimism is making it worse. Upsetting because it doesn’t work on me anymore.
Another guitar piece from late summer. Music is one of very few safe spaces for my honesty. Shameful how dark at times, but turning away is not an option as long as I’m here.
These are charcoal on tissue paper skull drawings over a collage of my ripped up poem and journal pages. Turned out to be a very fun project.
Yesterday, Oct 25th was my 32nd birthday. I recorded this vid last year around my 31st and just held onto it. The song will be in a collection one day but in the meantime, I listen to it as a reminder ever so often that I have felt good about my life before and do have reasons to stay. Even when it all seems extremely insignificant, it’s still true right? Still true.
New 2021 song/video. Coping with life through song is the best way I could ask for right now. There is so much misery of all sorts in this world I wish I could do more to ease. I’m tired of watching those in a position to do more make the choice again and again not to.
An old poem I put to music last year. This was tough to record a performance of, but kept practicing and I liked this shot best to share.
Sometimes sadness is just breathtaking.
When talking about it just makes you feel worse.
– You tell me “Let go.
God will show. Have some hope. Be grateful.”
But I know it never did and never will work.
I feel cold. I sink low.
The shadow of fear grows.
There is no way to hold without hurt.
It never was and never will be worth
one more day. –