On Your Behalf

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I don’t know where the exact idea for this painting came from, but it’s a personal favorite. It has meaning to me. I’m a perfectionist and constantly want to do things in the right way, no room for mistakes. So when I inevitably fail to be “perfect”, whatever that may mean,  punishing myself for it comes to mind. Having to pay for this failure in a painful way that will leave a mark and never let me forget. I feel like my every action is being judged and if I don’t pay for the things I do wrong then even worse things will happen. Crazy right? That’s why I’ve been in therapy forever…lol

Pinned Down

This painting was freehand, acrylic and watercolor.  

Today it was painfully obvious what little still keeps me grounded, why I keep going through the motions of showing up where I’m expected and put on the right face in front of the right people. Really, what still matters to me seems like nothing more than loose change better off thrown away with the receipt. Nobody’s really hearing me. I just wish I didn’t still care.

A Redone Beginning

This is one of my old songs I’ve redone with the new recording equipment I bought back in December. A lot has been completed in a short amount of time and I’m really excited to share, but this all probably looks more than a little pathetic with the more I say…lol To be as old as I am (28) and so excited about such a small thing I know that no one else could possibly appreciate as much is pretty weak . But I need things to keep waking up for and whatever I can hang onto I will.