Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
These are the pieces I worked on while on medical leave from my previous job from the end of March and all through April. I started a new position a week ago doing something totally different. It’s for half the pay and in a warehouse environment, but I think I’m where I need to be for the time being. A job is a job and so far no one is mistreating me. As for the art, I allowed myself to be messy to see where new ideas would take me. I got the spark I needed.
“To Save Oneself” A collage on a cardboard bust I got from an antique store maybe 10 years ago now. It’s a companion piece to the “Survival Hurts” collage from last year.
I went off the regular trail, down to the water. Shots from here have made for some great new prints.
I’m at the beginning of medical leave from work. When death becomes the only sure rescue from what your mind endures, I’d say it’s beyond burnout. I wish I’d said something sooner, but we’re trained to minimize problems and suffer on and on no matter what. Now I don’t care what happens to me, for what I’ll miss or for what’s left unfinished. I have a long way back.
This painting was finished a few days before I learned my father died back in November. The sketch I’d thought was going in the trash, but I forced myself to follow through with it. I hope one day to understand what it means.
My birthday came and went this year. It’s settled in just how much of an afterthought I am to others in this life. There has never been much of an effort to remember me. My 36th year will be for letting go, forgetting more, leaving behind what disturbs my soul too much and wrapping up my long term plans. We get tired of always needing a reason.
Paper collage. I was trying out a different layout and coloring technique. Didn’t turn out as planned, but I still like it.
A collage using coffee filter paper and washable markers. It’s 25’’x 22’’in size and took several weekends, but I’m really happy with it and love how striking it is on my wall. I’ve added a print version with customizable sizes to my shop: https://www.zazzle.com/survival_hurts_poster-256815126151224122
New watercolor paintings. I wanted to get back to using watercolor just for a change. I don’t control it well and feel clueless attempting the paint with it, but that is the point. Freehand paintings have a life of their own and I think watercolor goes well for when you don’t have a plan or want a plan. I just want feeling. Anything more, like making sense somehow, is nice too.
Acrylic on canvas. The neon paints I used don’t come across well via camera, but it really pops out on the wall I’ve put it up. I think this piece reflects well how off and out of place I feel in my current role of employment. A square can’t fit a circle. How I am is not going to be appreciated where I’ve put myself. So naturally, I’ve got to go and sooner rather than later.
Several months it’s taken for me to understand this piece after finishing it. I see something of light and glory now weakened, wounded and burning out with nothing coming to save it. Exactly where I’ve found myself. Waiting to extinguish.
Allyson Marie Arts 