My mother painted the black and red brushstrokes of this heart and I added the other elements, made a card. It reminds me of bandaged flesh, something on the mend. I’m trying to recover now from the past 2 months, but I’m struggling and unsolicited hope / optimism is making it worse. Upsetting because it doesn’t work on me anymore.
Another guitar piece from late summer. Music is one of very few safe spaces for my honesty. Shameful how dark at times, but turning away is not an option as long as I’m here.
A song almost 10 years old now, but I wanted to see if I could still sing it.
I get frustrated when trying to select a genre for my music, but for some reason dark “Folk “popped into mind after I finished this song. It spells out my hopelessness when I think on society and my place here thoroughly. Grateful to have music to put the emotion and rage to work somehow.
I tie-dyed the shirt I’m wearing in this video and wish I hadn’t had to cut the sleeves off after a mess up with the scissors… This song is not about abuse from a partner, but I wrote it with the abusive language I hear from leadership at my job all the time in mind. The studio version I put together has background vocals https://open.spotify.com/track/3Bq3ibqY7xjPnhPQ99AQRw?si=ee454d7085dc4dfa
An early song I remember writing after a day at work years ago that left me feeling pretty hopeless. Just wanted to sing it again.
So far in my experience, when I’ve been at the lowest and let it be known, people seem to go out of their way to make it worse, as if to say go ahead and jump. So, I am grateful I don’t rely on people “saving” me from the suicidal depressions I fall into from time to time. This song is about more than just this exactly, but was an idea that sparked my writing. This video is from 2-3 months back.
I’m playing my guitar again. This is the first of two new songs. Not sure I’ll keep the title but whatever. Lyrics are below.
An awful shame to witness. Even God turns away. Lonesome soul drifting the dark, I need you to be saved. Just look how far you go. How deep the blade sinks in. Pretending you’re not lower than you’ve ever been. Where far enough is death. Where spill your veins fills up your head. So deep the blade sinks in. Lower than you’ve ever been. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith your looking for. When life was not all pain. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face. The love you were deserving of Has not and will not change. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith you’re dying for. When life was not all hate. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face I have the faith you’re dying for. Believe it’s not too late. It’s not too late.