Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
This painting is small, 6in x 4in I think. Not sure I even have it anymore, but I think I understand what I was trying to say now when it was made. It is painful watching efforts come to nothing again and again. Things go wrong, then keep going wrong whether one can handle it or not. I hate it here most of the time, for real.
Recorded back in September.
Lyrics:
Haunted by the first. Give more blood than it’s worth.
A worried heartbeat set to burst,
And every single moment hurts.
Have mercy! Take the rest away.
Tomorrow need not know the shame.
How my days live for the night.
The ice to a carving knife.
And there’s no safer place.
This world I can’t take.
I know happier life died at my birth.
It’s this unspoken pain I serve.
All along, gathering nerve to breathe the flames.
You watch me burn.
As settled ashes, I’ll return.
The never here at all I’ve earned.
The unspoken pain I serve.
How every single moment hurt.
Every single moment hurt.
The never here at all…never here at all I’ve earned.
“Her killing rage no one escapes.” I’ve got a little story in my head about this piece. I image this character towering over the world, breathing out flames to engulf all of human creation. On good days, there is a clearing for new life to begin again. On other days, our world goes dark and stays quiet that way until the universe ends. The painting is an expression of rage I feel better for and understand myself better through the work of it. I also really enjoyed another moment to use my neon pink…lol
My entry for 2023 contest. I wrote this after leaving my job of 5+ years last year. I think my music in general is too dark for what they’re looking for in a winner, but it’s fine. I really have no show to put on for them or anyone else at this point.
Lyrics :
Cutting losses, speak my bones.
If it’s my fault, you should have known.
But who ever sees me? Who is warm to the cold?
I’m here dying all alone.
Feel the thought tear from inside.
Having to lie and lie and lie.
I matter more kept in the dark.
Waste what remains of my heart,
Because who ever saw me?
Who was warm? Who was warm to the cold?
I was here dying all alone.
You never saw me. Never warm for the cold.
I was here dying all alone.
Burning bridge, you are a gift.
I hurt and want nothing more from the end.
Burning bridge, you are a gift.
I hurt and want nothing more from the end.
My mother painted the black and red brushstrokes of this heart and I added the other elements, made a card. It reminds me of bandaged flesh, something on the mend. I’m trying to recover now from the past 2 months, but I’m struggling and unsolicited hope / optimism is making it worse. Upsetting because it doesn’t work on me anymore.
Another guitar piece from late summer. Music is one of very few safe spaces for my honesty. Shameful how dark at times, but turning away is not an option as long as I’m here.
A song almost 10 years old now, but I wanted to see if I could still sing it.
I get frustrated when trying to select a genre for my music, but for some reason dark “Folk “popped into mind after I finished this song. It spells out my hopelessness when I think on society and my place here thoroughly. Grateful to have music to put the emotion and rage to work somehow.
I tie-dyed the shirt I’m wearing in this video and wish I hadn’t had to cut the sleeves off after a mess up with the scissors… This song is not about abuse from a partner, but I wrote it with the abusive language I hear from leadership at my job all the time in mind. The studio version I put together has background vocals https://open.spotify.com/track/3Bq3ibqY7xjPnhPQ99AQRw?si=ee454d7085dc4dfa
Allyson Marie Arts 