What am I still living for?
Broken in, one too many times.
Heart strings…
Sometimes the sadness is just breathtaking. What else can you do but wait through it? Pray it doesn’t kill you. Or sometimes, pray that it finally will.
Reflect
This painting is one of few landscapes I’ve worked on. Landscape paintings generally would bore me to look at so I rarely thought it fun to paint my own, but I’m trying to change my mind about them by practicing with different scenes.
Aiming For…
I think of freedom when I look at this painting and think about working on it. I’m content and settled when working art. I hate having to let that feeling go when I have to step away.
Says it all.
When talking about it just makes you feel worse.
And never will work…
– You tell me “Let go.
God will show. Have some hope. Be grateful.”
But I know it never did and never will work.
I feel cold. I sink low.
The shadow of fear grows.
There is no way to hold without hurt.
It never was and never will be worth
one more day. –
There is no point. Why suffer the loneliness anymore when I have a chance to decide when it ends? I really want it to end.
On Your Behalf
I don’t know where the exact idea for this painting came from, but it’s a personal favorite. It has meaning to me. I’m a perfectionist and constantly want to do things in the right way, no room for mistakes. So when I inevitably fail to be “perfect”, whatever that may mean, punishing myself for it comes to mind. Having to pay for this failure in a painful way that will leave a mark and never let me forget. I feel like my every action is being judged and if I don’t pay for the things I do wrong then even worse things will happen. Crazy right? That’s why I’ve been in therapy forever…lol
Passive Aggression
“Passive Aggression ” Freehand, acrylic paint on paper.
I can’t help but take what I do, these “hobbies” seriously. I’m living for nothing else, and for no one else besides my mother. She shouldn’t have to bury her youngest.
A take away…
I used to not care at all to paint landscapes, but I’ve recently gained a much better appreciation for the focus of painting them. I’m currently sketching a mountain scene from a nature photography book I want to paint a variation of. It’s funny that I’m around people all the time all day, but still cannot shake the loneliness I feel constantly.
