Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
This is painted on an opened brown paper bag. The edges were irregular, but I painted without clipping them and just cropped it here. This is thumb-tacked onto the wall next to my office corner. I’m working from home for the time being and love the wall of tissue paper flowers and now this new painting added. It’s a nice escape looking over at them throughout the hours of my day.
So far in my experience, when I’ve been at the lowest and let it be known, people seem to go out of their way to make it worse, as if to say go ahead and jump. So, I am grateful I don’t rely on people “saving” me from the suicidal depressions I fall into from time to time. This song is about more than just this exactly, but was an idea that sparked my writing. This video is from 2-3 months back.
The goal here was to use scraps. Paper and clippings I had no initial plans for and no idea for what to do, but I didn’t walk away until something I liked came through. I love the end results. Collage is not my usual thing but I love working this way. I’m forced to resolve whatever “mistakes” and end up liking the mess ups more than the plan. Art is life 
I’m playing my guitar again. This is the first of two new songs. Not sure I’ll keep the title but whatever. Lyrics are below.
An awful shame to witness. Even God turns away. Lonesome soul drifting the dark, I need you to be saved. Just look how far you go. How deep the blade sinks in. Pretending you’re not lower than you’ve ever been. Where far enough is death. Where spill your veins fills up your head. So deep the blade sinks in. Lower than you’ve ever been. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith your looking for. When life was not all pain. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face. The love you were deserving of Has not and will not change. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith you’re dying for. When life was not all hate. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face I have the faith you’re dying for. Believe it’s not too late. It’s not too late.
“To know me seems an unspeakable demand.” – I wrote this while thinking about how at 31 I ended up friendless and blatantly ignored by the people I do exist around. I try to reach out and it’s always a dead end. Best thing I could do was write a song about this constant and try to ignore how it won’t change. People aren’t the reason I choose to keep living.
This was a gift I drew and colored for my mother’s birthday along with 2 CDs and money since I had a hard time figuring out what to get her this year…lol Just used markers.
I’ve never made a collage with Photoshop before, so today I googled how and made a collage with some of the pop-up flower cards I made and recently mailed out. I have more photos of other card designs so I will make another, better one, but this was fun. By the way, I make so many of these cards that I send them at random now. If anyone viewing this wants one, shoot me a message where I can mail to.
My entry for the Tiny Desk contest was accepted!! I was saving this one specifically for 2021, after I missed the deadline for another song last year…lol No expectations of winning, but it’s the first time I’ve entered a contest for singing original material. And I just wanted to share the message of the song.
“Hate all you want to hate, I have the final say”… I wrote this last year as I processed a response I received about my music. Someone mistakenly assumed I had the same insecurities about my voice that they lived with and it got me thinking about all the times we have to endure unasked for critiques of our art. I don’t go around looking for people to tell them how bad I think their work is. It’s truly going out of my way to do that. If you don’t like something, I say keep it moving until you find something worth your time and comment…lol Anyway, I’m happy with this piece and the challenge it was to record performing it and I want to share.
This videos is a few months old and the song, several years old, but I wanted a better video performing it. Most of my song lyrics are reworked lines right out of my journals. Years back when I was still looking for work, my days were spent writing little songs like this at my piano to pass the time and help me keep my sanity for being alone so many hours.
