Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
I updated the portraits page here with the painted collection I did a few years ago. This one is an interpretation from a cool photo of Cammie Gilbert, lead singer for Oceans of Slumber. Her tattoo in that reference photo was a lot more detail than I could even see so I improvised a tattoo and moved on…lol
“I’m fine.”
Rocks that I painted over the past 2 months. I finally had time to try another collage in photoshop. Some of these rocks were painted freehand and the rest I drew for better detail before painting.
Not a new piece, but one I still like. There is new art and photos I just haven’t had time to gather and edit yet and it’s all coming second to finishing the music I can’t leave undone. One more set to sort through. I think I’m quitting. I can’t live without singing, but I just may not share it anymore. It’s so much work on my own and who cares anyway. The songs are what they are and I’ve done enough proving to myself there is worth, even if I’m the only one to realize it.
An early song I remember writing after a day at work years ago that left me feeling pretty hopeless. Just wanted to sing it again.
This is painted on an opened brown paper bag. The edges were irregular, but I painted without clipping them and just cropped it here. This is thumb-tacked onto the wall next to my office corner. I’m working from home for the time being and love the wall of tissue paper flowers and now this new painting added. It’s a nice escape looking over at them throughout the hours of my day.
So far in my experience, when I’ve been at the lowest and let it be known, people seem to go out of their way to make it worse, as if to say go ahead and jump. So, I am grateful I don’t rely on people “saving” me from the suicidal depressions I fall into from time to time. This song is about more than just this exactly, but was an idea that sparked my writing. This video is from 2-3 months back.
The goal here was to use scraps. Paper and clippings I had no initial plans for and no idea for what to do, but I didn’t walk away until something I liked came through. I love the end results. Collage is not my usual thing but I love working this way. I’m forced to resolve whatever “mistakes” and end up liking the mess ups more than the plan. Art is life 
I’m playing my guitar again. This is the first of two new songs. Not sure I’ll keep the title but whatever. Lyrics are below.
An awful shame to witness. Even God turns away. Lonesome soul drifting the dark, I need you to be saved. Just look how far you go. How deep the blade sinks in. Pretending you’re not lower than you’ve ever been. Where far enough is death. Where spill your veins fills up your head. So deep the blade sinks in. Lower than you’ve ever been. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith your looking for. When life was not all pain. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face. The love you were deserving of Has not and will not change. Take me back, I beg you. Remember this age. I have the faith you’re dying for. When life was not all hate. Take me back, I beg you. Remember my face I have the faith you’re dying for. Believe it’s not too late. It’s not too late.
“To know me seems an unspeakable demand.” – I wrote this while thinking about how at 31 I ended up friendless and blatantly ignored by the people I do exist around. I try to reach out and it’s always a dead end. Best thing I could do was write a song about this constant and try to ignore how it won’t change. People aren’t the reason I choose to keep living.
