Tag: piano

Wandering

Posted on by Allyson

During a session I spoke about how I’ve felt like I’ve been flying above searching for a safe place to land. And as I grow tired, I’ll eventually drop from the sky to my death. This vision is what the lyrics are about. The piano arrangement came first and I sat it aside about 5 years until I finally worked it out with vocals.

I took flight a lifetime ago.
Through storm after storm and the impossible
With no question of my strength.
Survival I can’t shake, ever searching for home.

And if I reach, it will not be as I hoped.
And I will be no less here alone

Wandering loss of time.
Fail me, my wings may as well let me fall from the sky
As dim and dying light.
I only ever had the heart to try.

And if I reach, it will not be as I hoped
And I will be no less here alone.
I took flight a lifetime ago
Ever searching and searching for home.
I took flight a lifetime ago.
Ever searching for home.

Devil Given Wish – Piano / Voice

Posted on by Allyson

I recorded this back in early winter. The song sums up how it’s been carrying myself through this suicidal burnout hoping for “things to get better”. When who you really are is so incongruent with the role you play in this reality…I’ve learned a greater depth I’m pulling myself out of.

Do a sweep. World to the trash.
Light it up. The fun we’ve had.
All the work never done, be proud.
The rise of flames in the pit breathe loud.

I am mistaken as something good.
Advantage I’d take if I could,
Or wanted any life beyond.
But I am in the grave – a deep, dark way.
Whatever you hope I am is out of place.

And all the fear in mind dismissed.
Don’t ask me to try again.
I will not give. I won’t go back.
I will not wait and I won’t ask.

Burned out and far past daydream final acts.
Far beyond efforts to fit where I don’t match.
No and the upset is all the life I’ve ever had.
The years left settle like dregs of the past.
Like cold tears in cold blood until the unforgiving last.

I swear it doesn’t matter. My blade given bliss.
Familiar won’t remember. Tomorrow will not miss.
I swear it doesn’t matter. The heart I rend to bits
And scatter to hell forever more. Devil given wish.

Tomorrow will not miss.

The Loss of You

Posted on by Allyson

The Loss of You – Last vocal track from the new album. This video I held onto for nearly 3yrs. The fear of losing and constant grief we carry wears you out. But the word “temporary” has been in mind a lot these days. Helps lessen the weight of my heavy sighs and exhaustion. I don’t have to be strong forever.

Lyrics :

Early on I felt the hours.
I knew what they would do.
Trade these years that separate.
All mine for yours – for you.

A this for that revealing my power to choose
Death over enduring what I fear to lose.

Can’t you stay? I beg.
What prayer would it take? I beg.
I want nothing more than you
Held in my strength again.
But I break, in quiet grief. Sick with unease.
There’s no convincing my way through
Enduring the loss of you.

Another night in heavy gloom.
Is there nothing more I can do?
Another night of heart felt doom.
Is there nothing I can do?
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.

Best You Can Do – NPR Tiny Desk 2025

Posted on by Allyson

My entry for the NRP Tiny Desk contest this year. While writing, I thought about how it never seems to be the “right time” to implement solutions to problems, societal or personal. Being without courage to try at solutions, even if it fails, I think can do even greater harm. My feelings found a place in this song. Lyrics below – Youtube video link

Weight of an ocean I carry by the neck.
All the human moments I collect.
A prayer full of grief to the god of all gods.
Show me why you bothered.
Our purpose long lost.

Meaningful mistake, be the faith of a life.
Distract the emptiness piercing inside.
I know it’s our way – everything just survives.
Taking up space – getting born to die.
With no aversion, as life is loss.
Numb to the ruin our sacrifice cost.
Is it all instinct or suffering we choose?
Insisting you are exception to the rule.

As disengaged. As cold and cruel.
Selfish wants are the best you can do.
Lean into it. Laugh out loud.
Like the wall of a grave hold safe and sound,
The time for truth is never now.
Is never courage ever found?

Lean into it. Laugh out loud.
The time for truth is never now.
Like the walls of a grave hold safe and sound,
The time for truth is never now.

New Album – The Taken Life

Posted on by Allyson

What is it like to grieve the better person you were and may have become? These songs were written while navigating a very difficult transition with much loss. I was changed in ways I wish I hadn’t been. This album is the sound of a soul healing with unsightly scars, but healing nonetheless.

Bandcamp: https://allysonmarie.bandcamp.com/album/the-taken-life

Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/album/2Z2N5lC0L8bolkH7lAKDvK?si=clftE_6FS_S–ncBTiEtgg

Cold of the Earth

Posted on by Allyson

Cold of the Earth

Leave me where I stop.
Forget my beating heart as I lean into the drop.
Wanted as much as I never am alive.
Continue me, out of sight, out of mind.

The human ruin brought to life.
Pierce my skin. The blood will cry
I don’t matter. I am alone.
And all I ever wanted. Collect my bones.

Soul in the dark, you have my dream.
Cold of the earth has a place for me.

All the wants and needs and ways you try.
To bear failure and grieve is why.
Just continue me out of sight, out of mind.
Out of every single reason left to survive.

Soul in the dark, you have my dream.
Cold of the earth has a place for me.

https://allysonmarie.bandcamp.com/

The Ending Must – New Album

Posted on by Allyson

Desperation to understand and the loss of hope is at the center of this album. Often there seems to be just inaction and unwillingness to risk a change when it comes to fixing problems in this world on top of very little will to fix what we can within ourselves (if we dare to see a problem at all). There may never be enough devastation or despair to move things along, but I hope to be wrong. I hope there’s an end one day that makes the difference.

Also available via most streaming platforms.