Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
My father has died. I found out the night of my last post. I’m on bereavement leave right now, not looking forward to going back to work of any kind. Some family has reached out. With others, we’re out of sight-out of mind. No matter who is there though, this feels very lonely. I want closeness with those of us left, but our relationships are complicated. It doesn’t matter, but still does.
During a session I spoke about how I’ve felt like I’ve been flying above searching for a safe place to land. And as I grow tired, I’ll eventually drop from the sky to my death. This vision is what the lyrics are about. The piano arrangement came first and I sat it aside about 5 years until I finally worked it out with vocals.
I took flight a lifetime ago.
Through storm after storm and the impossible
With no question of my strength.
Survival I can’t shake, ever searching for home.
And if I reach, it will not be as I hoped.
And I will be no less here alone
Wandering loss of time.
Fail me, my wings may as well let me fall from the sky
As dim and dying light.
I only ever had the heart to try.
And if I reach, it will not be as I hoped
And I will be no less here alone.
I took flight a lifetime ago
Ever searching and searching for home.
I took flight a lifetime ago.
Ever searching for home.
A collage using coffee filter paper and washable markers. It’s 25’’x 22’’in size and took several weekends, but I’m really happy with it and love how striking it is on my wall. I’ve added a print version with customizable sizes to my shop: https://www.zazzle.com/survival_hurts_poster-256815126151224122
Acrylic on canvas. The neon paints I used don’t come across well via camera, but it really pops out on the wall I’ve put it up. I think this piece reflects well how off and out of place I feel in my current role of employment. A square can’t fit a circle. How I am is not going to be appreciated where I’ve put myself. So naturally, I’ve got to go and sooner rather than later.
Several months it’s taken for me to understand this piece after finishing it. I see something of light and glory now weakened, wounded and burning out with nothing coming to save it. Exactly where I’ve found myself. Waiting to extinguish.
What is it like to grieve the better person you were and may have become? These songs were written while navigating a very difficult transition with much loss. I was changed in ways I wish I hadn’t been. This album is the sound of a soul healing with unsightly scars, but healing nonetheless.
Bandcamp: https://allysonmarie.bandcamp.com/album/the-taken-life
Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/album/2Z2N5lC0L8bolkH7lAKDvK?si=clftE_6FS_S–ncBTiEtgg
I had to say goodbye to someone very important to me today. Didn’t expect it but knew I’d have to face a farewell eventually. It’s been nearly a decade and this hurts, but I dearly wish them well.
My contest entry has been accepted 
I wasn’t planning to enter this year, but I wrote this and felt it had the right energy this time, It’s a reminder to myself to be as present and open as I can be, while I can. I think it’s a message worth sharing. If you listen, thank you and I hope you enjoy. Poem below.
Be As the Water
No, the river rising won’t mind the flood.
Like arms of the ocean, to the sky every open.
Given good and bad, it fills up in love.
Any and all and more than enough.
What lessons? To accept this life gave what you need.
The good and bad equal the meaningful between.
So be as the water ever open to the sky.
Forget how you got here. Forget you asked why.
Why? Why? Why? No reason at all.
Tomorrow is yesterday, over and done.
To be is all purpose could ever want.
However you got here is with a goodbye,
Sure as the loss as each moment here dies.
So be as the water ever open to the sky.
Forget how you got here. Forget you ask why.
Why? Why? No reason at all.
Link to browse all the other cool contest entries this year: https://tinydeskcontest.npr.org/2024/browse-2024/
Spray painted background then free handed the rest. I have been stuck on a title, but think I’ve settled on “By Any Means” as in answering the question “how are you getting by?” Wondering about just how much it takes to stay propped up and moving through this life. Title might change but it works for now.
This painting is small, 6in x 4in I think. Not sure I even have it anymore, but I think I understand what I was trying to say now when it was made. It is painful watching efforts come to nothing again and again. Things go wrong, then keep going wrong whether one can handle it or not. I hate it here most of the time, for real.
Allyson Marie Arts 