Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
My father has died. I found out the night of my last post. I’m on bereavement leave right now, not looking forward to going back to work of any kind. Some family has reached out. With others, we’re out of sight-out of mind. No matter who is there though, this feels very lonely. I want closeness with those of us left, but our relationships are complicated. It doesn’t matter, but still does.
The Loss of You – Last vocal track from the new album. This video I held onto for nearly 3yrs. The fear of losing and constant grief we carry wears you out. But the word “temporary” has been in mind a lot these days. Helps lessen the weight of my heavy sighs and exhaustion. I don’t have to be strong forever.
Lyrics :
Early on I felt the hours.
I knew what they would do.
Trade these years that separate.
All mine for yours – for you.
A this for that revealing my power to choose
Death over enduring what I fear to lose.
Can’t you stay? I beg.
What prayer would it take? I beg.
I want nothing more than you
Held in my strength again.
But I break, in quiet grief. Sick with unease.
There’s no convincing my way through
Enduring the loss of you.
Another night in heavy gloom.
Is there nothing more I can do?
Another night of heart felt doom.
Is there nothing I can do?
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
This painting was freehand, acrylic and watercolor.
Today it was painfully obvious what little still keeps me grounded, why I keep going through the motions of showing up where I’m expected and put on the right face in front of the right people. Really, what still matters to me seems like nothing more than loose change better off thrown away with the receipt. Nobody’s really hearing me. I just wish I didn’t still care.
Allyson Marie Arts 