Art, Photos, Music, some thoughts…
Several months it’s taken for me to understand this piece after finishing it. I see something of light and glory now weakened, wounded and burning out with nothing coming to save it. Exactly where I’ve found myself. Waiting to extinguish.
The Loss of You – Last vocal track from the new album. This video I held onto for nearly 3yrs. The fear of losing and constant grief we carry wears you out. But the word “temporary” has been in mind a lot these days. Helps lessen the weight of my heavy sighs and exhaustion. I don’t have to be strong forever.
Lyrics :
Early on I felt the hours.
I knew what they would do.
Trade these years that separate.
All mine for yours – for you.
A this for that revealing my power to choose
Death over enduring what I fear to lose.
Can’t you stay? I beg.
What prayer would it take? I beg.
I want nothing more than you
Held in my strength again.
But I break, in quiet grief. Sick with unease.
There’s no convincing my way through
Enduring the loss of you.
Another night in heavy gloom.
Is there nothing more I can do?
Another night of heart felt doom.
Is there nothing I can do?
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
No convincing my way through
The loss of you.
My entry for the NRP Tiny Desk contest this year. While writing, I thought about how it never seems to be the “right time” to implement solutions to problems, societal or personal. Being without courage to try at solutions, even if it fails, I think can do even greater harm. My feelings found a place in this song. Lyrics below – Youtube video link
Weight of an ocean I carry by the neck.
All the human moments I collect.
A prayer full of grief to the god of all gods.
Show me why you bothered.
Our purpose long lost.
Meaningful mistake, be the faith of a life.
Distract the emptiness piercing inside.
I know it’s our way – everything just survives.
Taking up space – getting born to die.
With no aversion, as life is loss.
Numb to the ruin our sacrifice cost.
Is it all instinct or suffering we choose?
Insisting you are exception to the rule.
As disengaged. As cold and cruel.
Selfish wants are the best you can do.
Lean into it. Laugh out loud.
Like the wall of a grave hold safe and sound,
The time for truth is never now.
Is never courage ever found?
Lean into it. Laugh out loud.
The time for truth is never now.
Like the walls of a grave hold safe and sound,
The time for truth is never now.
What is it like to grieve the better person you were and may have become? These songs were written while navigating a very difficult transition with much loss. I was changed in ways I wish I hadn’t been. This album is the sound of a soul healing with unsightly scars, but healing nonetheless.
Bandcamp: https://allysonmarie.bandcamp.com/album/the-taken-life
Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/album/2Z2N5lC0L8bolkH7lAKDvK?si=clftE_6FS_S–ncBTiEtgg
“Into the woods, by the water, in the weeds.
Beneath a dark blanket of trees.
Soul is tired saving self…
Some lives here are worse than death.”
One of my trail photos. I feel welcome there most of all.
Original song mixed / mastered. My favorite from the next album of songs and so fitting for my current state and times.
Lyrics
Before stepping off the ledge,
Screams every moment was hell.
“Never give up!” didn’t save this one
If so little were enough.
The sordid goodwill of the rest.
Forget what better angel says.
Take ownership of the cruel intent.
You favor leaving all for dead.
Yes, we take what we can get.
No spill of blood carries regret.
Go too far – over your head,
But keep going. Devil knows best.
Possession – a wish for death.
Far better fit than human.
Deeper go cuts than bruises.
A use given to useless.
The sordid goodwill of the rest.
Forget what better angel says.
Take ownership of the cruel intent.
You favor leaving all for dead.
Before stepping off the ledge,
You scream every moment was hell.
“Never give up!” didn’t save this one.
So little is never enough.
The sordid goodwill of the rest.
Forget what better angel says.
Take ownership of the cruel intent.
You favor leaving all for dead.
Before stepping off the ledge,
Screams every moment was hell.
“Never give up!” didn’t save this one
So little is never enough.
I had to say goodbye to someone very important to me today. Didn’t expect it but knew I’d have to face a farewell eventually. It’s been nearly a decade and this hurts, but I dearly wish them well.
This year for me has been about wrapping up loose ends and finishing what I’ve spent enough time burdened by. A definite mission to live the way I need to in this time and space or not at all. There is enough courage for the risk. Move forward.
The latest painting I finished using a landscape photo book as reference. That small sun was tricky, but I like how it turned out overall.
I wrote this song leading up to my departure from a very toxic work environment that changed me in ways I wish it hadn’t.
———–
Chose not to remember.
Won’t thank you for what you gave.
How indeed I’ve made it.
Kept myself an empty space.
Of course there is no knowing. But then again, there is.
Nothing about what I am was made for the surface.
Every breath scrapes the vessel walls, worn thin.
This unwilling arrival. The way hell was forced in.
Refuse weighing down my bones –
Voice bending bloody tones-
Quiet obedience set flames to all I know.
The sickness has grown bold.
Not about to say it’s okay, making it this far.
Not the heinous crime I needed stabbing at my heart.
Not about to say it’s settled and life is just too hard.
I implore the soul of all creation: tear this world apart.
Tear us apart.
I will not remember and never took what you gave.
How indeed I make it.
Keep myself an empty space.
Allyson Marie Arts 